Needs...
"Everybody has the same needs. The conflicts are caused by the way that we choose to meet that needs" .. after the class that I have first started to think about this sentence, I realized that some of my negative communication experiences should have been managed better. I decided to think in accordance with this approach. It worked:) I have a better relation with one of my collegues. Because I realized that he didn't act opposite to me, he just try to meet one of his need. Then, I realized it was something situational, not personal...
I also could experience a similar phenomenon many times...therefore, nowadays very often it works for me in the following manner - as soon as I identify that the problem is related to the situation and does not necessarily represent an attitude of a particular individual personally to me, I notice that less tension is being created and it becomes much easier for both parties (my "opponent" and me) to put efforts in order to solve the problem instead of becoming personal, accusing each other and trying to identify whose fault it was. In this manner we have bigger chances to satisfy the needs of both of us in a way that would not lead to a conflict...
ReplyDeleteEyeryone has needs in every moment, which is manifested by feelings. I agree with you.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a deeper insight into the causes of a problem, so the needs must be clearly separated from strategies. As I write in my Blog the conflict arises only at the strategy and never at the need level. The way you choose to meet your needs is important. For example a loud voice is not a good strategy to meet your needs.
Regards
Emine Keskin